I've had dreams where I am running away from water. I don't see the water but I know it is about to swallow up everyone and everything in it's path. I have to move to higher ground. I always make it in my dream.
Sometimes I dream of people in my past that I cringe when I see them. I am expecting a rebuke or an unpleasant welcome. But they smile and and don't say anything unpleasant at all. In fact they act like time never separated us. I don't look the same as I did the last time I saw them and yet they act like I didn't change at all.
I want to say something to them. I want to tell them I missed them and that I am sorry I left. I am not coming back nor do I want to but I know my leaving separates us. It will never be the same between us unless they leave as well. This is not because of how I feel towards them, it is how they feel towards me. I have to live in their world or I am on my own. Period.
No one understands me except those who do. I know that makes no sense. But it really does.
I don't cry. I can but I don't. When I see pictures of my past life with them it brings up so many feelings inside. Most of them good ones. Happy times. I was innocent and searching for a life of love and happiness. I found it for most of the time I was there and I am finding it now where I am at. This time it is true happiness though. I have a sense of freedom I never felt or had before. I shouldn't use the word sense when it is true freedom. I AM free!
I am going to cry soon. And when I do I am afraid the gate in my soul will open completely and I may not stop for a while. 42 years of life lived will have a good washing. A cleansing of all clutter that never should have been there in the first place. I am dreading it and looking forward to it at the same time.
I have to stop running from it. The water. It's time to cry.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
Not What I Thought
I've been living for God for most of my life. I was in 2nd grade when the Sunday School bus would pick me up and take me to Sunday School. This is where I was introduced to Jesus Christ. And I absolutely fell in love with Him. I loved the stories from the bible. I loved waking up Sunday mornings and getting dressed so I could go and learn some more. My father would be excited for me. It made him happy that I would go to church even though he did not go. He was kind of living his spiritual life through me I guess. He wasn't willing to give up whatever he felt he needed to if he was going to live a Christian life but sending his daughter made him feel great. And I loved pleasing my father so this made me even more eager to go.
Looking back over my life I can see how easy it was to become misguided, and can see how people are easy to become misguided even today.
We all have a void we are trying to fill. Every single one of us need a purpose and reason for why we are here on earth. The bible says without a vision the people perish. Totally makes sense.
When you find God in church, I mean really find God. Your life will change. For some it will be drastically. And because God is real and you feel Him like you have never felt Him before, and you can not only feel the change but people can see it in your life as well, you are sold! Anything else the Pastor of this church or the people there tell you, you will believe to be true.
There are so many denominations to choose from. So many different belief systems as well. I know a Baptist church that believe the women must wear dresses and dresses only. This is the only rule regarding the outward appearance that they demand. Yes, I do mean demand.
Whereas another Baptist denomination doesn't demand this at all. There are the Apostolic denomination that believe women may cut their hair but must wear a veil when in church service. This is not an option for the women, the veil must be worn as a covering. Through the years the veil has been shortened to where it doesn't cover much of the hair at all. I have seen some veils that barely cover the barrette that's holding the woman's hair up.
I could go on and on about different Religions that require different means to be right with God.
These Religions filled with precious people who are willing to give of their finances and time and even their health so they can be right with God.
It's not what I thought.
Living for God is simple. Jesus paid the price on the cross for our sins. The only way to Salvation is through Jesus Christ and only Jesus Christ. Having faith in Him and trust will be the main thing you need.
But people want more. They want rules. They want a ruler and king. Someone they can see and touch. Someone who can lead so they can follow. It is way easier to follow.
The Israelites demanded a king. They didn't want to go by faith in a God they could not see with human eyes or touch with human hands.
People want to know and they want everyone else to know that they are Christians living for God. They want rules. Cause you can check off rules. Like a list of chores. Feels good when you check them off. Sometimes you don't do them all so the next day you will try harder. But at least you can see where you are at.
I wouldn't want my husband to have a checklist of being my husband. Work and bring home the bacon, check. Throw out the garbage, check. Bring home flowers on her birthday, check.
No. I want a man who loves me. Who has given me his heart because he chose to. Who does what he does because he wants to share a life with me. Who is faithful because it is important for him to be.
How do you think God feels about us?
If you want to go to church then go to church. Even though this term is not biblical. You ARE the church if you have received Christ. You can open your bible and have a prayer meeting with people in your living room or at the park. At least here in America we can. Thank God!
But because everyone is use to the term 'going to church' I will use this term. Just know you are not saved any more because you go to a church building and sit in a pew every week. Salvation comes from a relationship between you and Jesus Christ. Not the Pastor or saints. This is true! Anything added is just that added. And if your not careful you will believe it to be true and you will judge everyone else who does not live like you do. If you are going to join a denomination and conform to the added stuff you must do and live in your Christian walk, do because you want to fit in. Not because it will save you. That way you don't become judgmental and self righteous. Because it is nice to meet together with other Christian's and walk this path together. It really is.
I am thankful I have Jesus Christ in my life. Maybe it will never be what we thought. But one thing is for sure, Jesus is everything He said He is. And He is coming back for his bride. When we see heaven we may whisper, 'This is not what I thought.' It is even better than imagined!
Looking back over my life I can see how easy it was to become misguided, and can see how people are easy to become misguided even today.
We all have a void we are trying to fill. Every single one of us need a purpose and reason for why we are here on earth. The bible says without a vision the people perish. Totally makes sense.
When you find God in church, I mean really find God. Your life will change. For some it will be drastically. And because God is real and you feel Him like you have never felt Him before, and you can not only feel the change but people can see it in your life as well, you are sold! Anything else the Pastor of this church or the people there tell you, you will believe to be true.
There are so many denominations to choose from. So many different belief systems as well. I know a Baptist church that believe the women must wear dresses and dresses only. This is the only rule regarding the outward appearance that they demand. Yes, I do mean demand.
Whereas another Baptist denomination doesn't demand this at all. There are the Apostolic denomination that believe women may cut their hair but must wear a veil when in church service. This is not an option for the women, the veil must be worn as a covering. Through the years the veil has been shortened to where it doesn't cover much of the hair at all. I have seen some veils that barely cover the barrette that's holding the woman's hair up.
I could go on and on about different Religions that require different means to be right with God.
These Religions filled with precious people who are willing to give of their finances and time and even their health so they can be right with God.
It's not what I thought.
Living for God is simple. Jesus paid the price on the cross for our sins. The only way to Salvation is through Jesus Christ and only Jesus Christ. Having faith in Him and trust will be the main thing you need.
But people want more. They want rules. They want a ruler and king. Someone they can see and touch. Someone who can lead so they can follow. It is way easier to follow.
The Israelites demanded a king. They didn't want to go by faith in a God they could not see with human eyes or touch with human hands.
People want to know and they want everyone else to know that they are Christians living for God. They want rules. Cause you can check off rules. Like a list of chores. Feels good when you check them off. Sometimes you don't do them all so the next day you will try harder. But at least you can see where you are at.
I wouldn't want my husband to have a checklist of being my husband. Work and bring home the bacon, check. Throw out the garbage, check. Bring home flowers on her birthday, check.
No. I want a man who loves me. Who has given me his heart because he chose to. Who does what he does because he wants to share a life with me. Who is faithful because it is important for him to be.
How do you think God feels about us?
If you want to go to church then go to church. Even though this term is not biblical. You ARE the church if you have received Christ. You can open your bible and have a prayer meeting with people in your living room or at the park. At least here in America we can. Thank God!
But because everyone is use to the term 'going to church' I will use this term. Just know you are not saved any more because you go to a church building and sit in a pew every week. Salvation comes from a relationship between you and Jesus Christ. Not the Pastor or saints. This is true! Anything added is just that added. And if your not careful you will believe it to be true and you will judge everyone else who does not live like you do. If you are going to join a denomination and conform to the added stuff you must do and live in your Christian walk, do because you want to fit in. Not because it will save you. That way you don't become judgmental and self righteous. Because it is nice to meet together with other Christian's and walk this path together. It really is.
I am thankful I have Jesus Christ in my life. Maybe it will never be what we thought. But one thing is for sure, Jesus is everything He said He is. And He is coming back for his bride. When we see heaven we may whisper, 'This is not what I thought.' It is even better than imagined!
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