"Take the Blessing!"

I was selling an item and I found someone who was interested. The item was $20.00 and we set up a time to meet the very next morning. She sends me a text 15 minutes before we were to meet to let me know her check had not gone through and therefore was unable to draw out the money to purchase the item.
I responded to her that it was okay, to still meet with me and I would give her the item for free. She couldn't believe I would do that and politely declined saying she would let me know when she had the money and if I at that time still had the item she would then purchase it. I again, tried to convince her to accept it as a gift. No response.
That bothered me. I felt bad that she would not accept it. Especially because she seemed so excited the day before about purchasing it. And I wondered why she felt undeserved or embarrassed to say yes. It was only $20.00 that I was giving to her. I explained I wanted to bless her with it and someday she could bless someone else.
The only thing I could come up with is 1. She was embarrassed to accept it for free because of pride? Or 2. She felt undeserved? Why would anyone give her something free?
I don't know. I would have hesitated as well. And then I wondered, God do I do this to you as well? I don't really ask you for help because I don't think you are going to answer because deep down I don't feel like I deserve it? Which comes down to, I don't really believe you love me?
Do I say no to you God? Maybe not verbally, but in my spirit? Like maybe, just maybe you are trying to bless me and I say no thanks, when I deserve it I will come back to you and then I will take the blessing?
Pride is something we all deal with whether we want to admit it or not. We were all born with it. A humble person understands when they need help. A humble person understands that they will always need help here and there in life. And to accept someone's help or gift is all in God's plan.
Did not Jesus say that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves? He makes it clear this is key towards our Salvation.
So I got to thinking some more. I wanted to give this girl the item for free after she said she couldn't get the money. I decided from my heart to prefer her over money. I wanted to 'love' my neighbor over $20.00 right? But I was denied that. She wouldn't accept it.
I could have allowed pride to overtake me as well. How dare her not take my generosity?
It is like a man opening the door for a woman and she shouts "I can do it myself!" He was trying to be a gentleman like his mother and father raised him to be. He knows she is capable of opening a door. She robbed him of treating her like a lady should be treated. So he doesn't do that anymore. One gentleman lost because his pride was wounded. Of course he should keep it up and not lose this wonderful upbringing because of a woman who doesn't want to be treated like that. Many do appreciate it.
So what am I saying? Take the blessing! When it comes to you, please don't let pride sabotage it. We need better people in this world. We need to hold on to good values.
I need to love my neighbor as myself. Please let me. Cause when you let me then you will end up doing it to someone else as well. What comes around, goes around. It's true.
Am I ever going to offer someone something for free? Of course I am! It's just nice when someone accepts it. But the bible never said love your neighbor but only if they accept it.
Lord I want to take the blessing! I know I don't deserve it, and that's okay. And I don't want you to feel like I did, a little disappointed that I would not accepted your gift. A gift is free and undeserved. I understand it now!

Starting Over

Can't believe it has been 17 months since we moved away from everyone and everything I've ever known. Time sure does fly whether your having fun or not.
It wasn't fun leaving everyone behind. It was exciting to start a new adventure though. I moved to a State that snows in the winter, Imagine that! And the temps in the winter sure can and does get cold. Like the kind of cold that leads to frostbite, yeah that kind of cold! I learned that cotton kills. Polyester has become a new must have. Cotton's for the summer. Even then, you don't wear much of it because in this wonderful State I moved to also gets hot in the summer. Which I love because this means kayaking or swimming at the lake or riding my ATV! I think they call them Quads here or was that in California? I know they call Snowmobiles, sleds here. They also continue to call the little plastic things we use to sit on and go down a snowy slope a sled as well. So if you say "Let's take our sleds out," it could mean either one here in Idaho. I can only afford the plastic one.
We came with almost just the shirts on our backs. Okay I am exaggerating, but we did sell mostly all our furniture and bought new ones here.
I did not know a soul here other than my family that moved with me. You know, it is not easy to meet someone? I mean you can't just go up to someone and say "Hi, want to be my friend?" I visited a few churches and the people were nice but even then you can't go up to someone after church and shake their hand and say "Hi, want to be my friend?" I would have to join some type of small group. I didn't know the new church long enough to make a decision if I wanted to plant myself there. So I didn't want to commit to a small group.
So my husband, my son and I joined  Search and Rescue. I figured I would get busy being trained to search for lost people all alone on some mountain like I was feeling. Yes, I was feeling lost and alone.  Strange emotions since I was happy I moved here. I loved my new town. But without friendships you don't feel like you are living in your town but simply visiting.
I needed to make friends or I wasn't going to feel connected. I needed to feel connected. With my personality ( I am an extrovert), I wouldn't be fulfilled and happy unless I had people I could actually bump into that I knew at Wamart or Winco or somewhere.
I began to make the effort to talk to the few women I met at Search and Rescue. Made plans to go out to dinner with a few of the couples and that led to meeting in our homes. One of my new friends invited a couple they knew from outside Search and Rescue and we became friends. I ended up meeting this new friend's sister and we became friends. See the ripple effect?
You have to make the effort though. Get to know them. Find something you both have in common and invite then to do that with you.
Starting over is not easy. I have learned and am learning alot about myself. The good and the bad. You do that when you have time to reflect.
Being a extrovert meant nothing in meeting new people. Everyone has a space that you are not allowed to be in unless invited in. I am sitting in a Starbucks as I type and there is a 2 person table right in the middle of a few other ones. It has been empty. The place gets packed but no one sits at that table. It is too close to the customers to the right and left of it. You see? Space.
I have learned to meet friends you have to swim in the tide. Find the perfect tide. A church group or like I did Search and Rescue. Then the ripple effect once you meet someone who knows someone who knows, well you get the idea.
Doesn't matter your personality. You have to put in the effort. I can say it has been worth it for me. I have met amazing people who are now becoming amazing friends.
I finally feel like I live here. Really live here. This is my town, my community!
Anyone can start over. Whatever the reasons to have to start over it can be done and can be the best decision you ever made as well. I always say this, "You only get ONE life!" so live it with as much peace and joy and happiness as you can. And if that means starting over like it meant for us. Then I can say it is worth it!