I Understand Why

Dear brother so and so, and sister so and so as well. I miss you. I really do. Like a lot sometimes. Other times I don't think about you much but most days you come across my mind. The memories we shared, and there were many great ones at that! We understood each other. We were all on the same path. Well, sort of. Let me rephrase that, we were SUPPOSE to be on the same path. We all heard the same preaching and understood it the same way. Many decided to twist it to their liking though - and obey it accordingly.
I left the 'church' as you would call it. Or as the ugly term goes 'backslid.' I didn't though. But you don't believe that. You dropped me instantly from your friends list and I am not talking about Facebook. All communication gone, just like that. Years of bonding unraveled which proved their never was a bond. Just a simple knot that held us together, and my leaving automatically untied that knot.
I have no anger or animosity towards any of you. I would be a hypocrite if I did since I treated others exactly as you are treating me when they left. I understand why you are silent towards me. I use it to my advantage actually. It helps me keep in check. Anger and the hurt of betrayal cannot take over my heart, because I see clearly.
37 years is a long time walking with you. Fellowshipping with you after church. Sharing each others birthdays or sharing each others holidays. Together a lot. And then just like that. Nothing.
How do people cope with that? Well, I'm about to enlighten you.
I use to wonder why all the 'backsliders' always hung out with each other. Now I know it is because they understand each other like no other. It's kind of like a childhood friend that you were really close to. You lose contact with them and then meet up with them 20 years later and you are automatically close. They are like some lost relative and yet they are not.
I left an organization that I believed and lived with my whole heart, the belief that it held the full truth. It doesn't. And most of you don't believe it either. But it is a lifestyle you are accustomed to and it would take a lot of mental and emotional challenges to change it and there is no way you are up to doing that.
I never fit in. Not really. Because I actually embraced and did to the best of my ability what was preached over the pulpit and the majority of you did not. I know, I sound so righteous. But it is the truth. nobody likes a goody to shoes. NOBODY! But I didn't care what you thought of me because I thought you were all carnal anyways. Yes, it made me very self righteous. Although I would have argued vehemently that I was not. But this is what it creates in those who actually obey. I am sure this was never God's plan! Be obedient in what this organization teaches and become ugly in how you see others who are not obeying to the letter as you are.
Or be disobedient and this also creates an ugly individual full of rebellion and spite.
It was a no win situation.
Look, I just wanted to know Jesus. You just wanted to know Jesus as well. That simple. And yet it was made so complicated. Religion will do that to you.
There is so much I can say that I saw in this church that goes against so many scriptures. But I won't because my point isn't to hurt anyone.
Let's just leave it to this. I went back to Jesus. Not to man. Not to religion. But to the only one who deserved my whole heart in the first place. JESUS. And although I miss you. I missed Him more.
The irony. I guess I could be considered backslidden AFTER joining this church. Because my focus changed to what I should wear to be right with God. What I should do. The Jews had a similar problem and this is why Paul said in Galatians 5:4 For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God's grace. and in verse 7 You were running the race so well. Who has held you back from following the truth? It certainly isn't God, for he is the one who called you to freedom.
Let me remind you what Paul reminded the Jews in Colossians 2:20 You have died with Christ, and he has set you free from the spiritual powers of this world. So why do you keep on following the rules of the world, such as, 21 "Don't handle! Don't taste! Don't touch!"? 22 Such rules are mere human teachings about things that deteriorate as we use them. 23 These rules may seem wise because they require strong devotion, pious self-denial, and severe bodily discipline. But they provide no help in conquering a person's evil desires.
And this my friend is why you could have a shout down awesome time at the altar on a Sunday night and 20 minutes later be treated harshly and rudely by your sister in 'the Lord' who was praying right along side of you! Because the self denial you focus on that you keep falling short on by the way, isn't conquering anything!
Nobody reading this will understand the jargon but those of us who came from this same church. I don't care because I am writing this to you. I left. You stayed. My past is gone. I have nothing to go back to. And this is not my doing. It is yours.
Please forgive me for hurting you when I left. For confusing you. And it is okay. You do not have to apologize to me. You should, but you don't have to. Because I understand why. And THAT is key to my moving forward.